I've learned a lot about relationships in the last few years since being divorced. It amazes me that you can never possess enough information to help you make rational and optimal decisions. At 52, I naively thought that most at or near my age would have a clear self-image, or just the "self" to be parsimonious. We should be master's of our emotions and experts in our desires, especially before trying to enter into some relationship, whether it be casual or of a more serious intent. Here' s my model: presenting the self as single, available, and interested in a relationship, two individuals become attracted to each other by physical or media contact. It's really a tacit contract, you are saying that I am interested in you and you me. I am also open to a relationship should one develop. In other words, my heart and emotions are not suppressed for fear of failure, heartbreak, or past hurts. If both parties agree to this, then the relationship is free to develop; free to flow to whatever point possible. But if one or both parties are not fully open to this "degree of freedom" then the relationship is constrained artificially. There is a famous saying by Dr. Robert Anthony: "the one that loves the least controls the relationship." Therefore, if one party immediately announces that they are not interested in a serious relationship, or that they want to be friends first, or they are emotionally "broke," they immediately have taken control of the relationship. The other person is now at their whims and mercy. The one that cares the most is now an option. Doesn't sound really appealing when it's put like that is it? Ideally, one should have the courage to be afraid and to act anyway. Both parties should put their hearts on the line and understand that all things considered, that even if all the ingredients are there, love can still fail to develop in one or both partners. But, both can say that they are satisfied that they give the relationship it's all and that failure lies not with a lack of effort, but rather the elusiveness of true love.
